How house girls become co-wives

The other day, I got into an unexpected fungua roho session with a friend on a car ride into town. For some reason or the other, he let it all out. He went on and on about his wife and all her faults.

According to him, his wife of five years, does completely nothing other than watching soaps and doing her nails. She does not make their bed or clean their bedroom; she does not wake up to prepare the kids for school; she does not cook, clean nor iron. And the worst crime, according to him, was the fact that even serving food — prepared by the house help — is a problem, she whines and make him feel like he is asking too much from her. He claimed the maid does everything.

As such, he was very hurt by his wife’s lack of interest to do ‘wifely’ things in the house, and thus, he was thinking about getting a second one.

Apparently though, we have left the very dark ages and walked into bright and brave new modern world, men still prefer the ‘traditional’ wife.

Keeping a man 

And thus if you are a woman in today’s world and you have plans of keeping a man, the truth of the matter is that you have no option, but to have some knowledge on how to carry out certain chores. Honestly, if you cannot cook or clean and you call yourself a wife, then of what good are you?

Women, before you throw stones at me for being a traitor, lets reason together. Look, men are never going change unless you get a man from out of space or something.

Gender roles are not all bad; they help to bring some order into this very crazy world. And anybody who dishes out oppression mumbo jumbo theory of how gender roles are oppressive and unnecessary is clearly living in a bubble. That kind of thinking is the reason we have men today walking around with an overly active tear ducts, tight pink trousers, and believing they can be house husbands.

I had to express my disappointment in women who cannot cook or clean and believe being a home maker is a third grade job.

All I am saying is that a woman should at least, learn the art of home making — which entails cooking and cleaning. Reason being, if she cannot do the activities herself, she should be in a position to know whether whoever she assigned the chores to — the house girl — carried them out correctly. If a wife has to delegate duties, she must supervise and chip in where possible.

 Feminist 

 If you are a wife and you are in the habit of leaving all the household chores to the house girl, don’t blame her when your husband turns her into his second wife. Men, at times, get attracted to women who care for them not necessarily those that love them.

Feminist activism might be good and necessary, but the reality is, men prefer homemakers. It’s never negotiable, that much I know. The world has changed, and yes, we women are busy, but the day we hand over our homes to be run by house girls, let’s not cry foul when house girls become our co-wives.

Source: standardmedia

How house girls become co-wives

10:41 AM Lifestyle, Love and Relationship

Love-hate relationship between women and ‘boda boda’ men

Many people think boda-bodas are a menace to society. Yes, there may be a few rotten potatoes in the lot and perhaps they are a law unto themselves. But in most cases, they are modern day knights riding up on a metal horse to save the day.

Government, in its usual high handed way, has decided to play big bully with the little people. To access free prenatal in government facilities, mandatory HIV testing has to be done on both husband and wife.

Big bully failed to consider the consequences of asking a husband whose maxim in life is “ignorance is bliss”, to take a HIV test.

Nankabirwa is expecting her fourth baby. She was turned away from the government health facility in her neighborhood and told to come back with her husband for mandatory HIV testing and counseling, if she wanted to access free services.

Her husband is not the easiest man to deal with even on a good day, and broaching the subject got her a good thumping for accusing him of having HIV. Plan B, asking her brother-in-law to play the role of husband, was also a bust, as he wanted to be paid for his services in form of drinks at the local. The job fell to the boda-boda rider who only asked for Sh50 as a waiting fee for his troubles.

Hospital 

To be a boda-boda, rider you have to be versatile. Robert my regular boda-boda guy once told me a story of taking a mad woman to Butabiika Mental Hospital. The woman needed to take her sister to Butabiika without alerting her. Reason being, she had escaped more than once when she got wind that her sister had intention of taking her to hospital.

She looked “normal” and soon, they were on their way.

 Along the way, the “patient” sandwiched between Robert and her sister began to fondle him thinking he was her boyfriend, and told him it was good he was finally going to take her to his new I can only imagine how much steadiness and strength it took him not to ride the bike into oncoming traffic and cause an accident.

Much as women are willing to “use” boda-boda men, word on the street is that only a desperate woman would marry one. Recently, I had one of those lazy days where I was surfing the idiot box seeking entertainment.

I landed on a lonely-hearts TV show and had a Eureka moment. The women on the show appeared to be maids, shop attendants and waitresses. Their ideal husband was one with a job and earns a good salary — basically a corporate guy. Their ideal marriage entailed a pampered life — shopping, salon and more shopping — and a maid to the housework. When the presenter pointed out that most boda-boda operators earned good money, they said those are beneath their social class.

I guess the boda-boda guy is a stepping-stone for a good life. Because if you have ever hired one of these girls in your salon, shop or as a maid, they usually run off with the watchman, houseboy or boda-boda man whom she has been pilfering your stuff to impress.

Many women, secretly love boda-boda men perhaps because of their physical fitness and availability among other reasons—if the secret affairs reported between women and boda-boda men are anything to go by. But publicly pretend to hate them citing their low social class as a turn off.

Source: standardmedia

Love-hate relationship between women and ‘boda boda’ men

10:29 AM Lifestyle, Love and Relationship

Why You might have a break up this season

Break up season

Put on your seatbelt now through Christmas Eve if you’re in a rocky relationship, as you may become one of the holiday statistics.

It’s officially here. Break up season has arrived. The Facebook break up chart from David McClandess, which was released in 2011, spread like wildfire on the Internet.

Based on a study of profile updates with the words ‘breaking up’ and ‘break up’ it was proven that the two weeks leading up to Christmas show a peak for those bidding farewell to their current love interest.

Although couples were given ample time to prepare for holiday break ups, they were told that the period of December 11 to 24th would be a peak period for relationships to dissolve. Fortunately, Christmas Day isn’t a popular day to say au revoir to your beau.

The research on Facebook status updates was based on search words for ‘breakup’ and ‘breaking up’. So why has breaking up become such a hot topic this holiday season? The time leading up to a major holiday or event for a couple can be very stressful.

Along with birthday’s, Valentine’s Day, and anniversaries, the Christmas season is a time where you show the world that you are a couple. It also involves a financial investment, and with today’s economy, many singles aren’t willing to invest in an expensive gift if they know the relationship is about to run its course. Or they just want to be single over the silly season. Read more at: http://www.standardmedia.co.ke/lifestyle/article/2000073703/break-up-season

Why You might have a break up this season

8:10 PM Love and Relationship

If you want to marry, make sure you marry the right person

If You Marry, Marry Well. That was some advice I got this weekend.

I was somewhat startled at the outright admission that I should marry someone who is financially stable and able to accommodate my needs.

Wouldn’t that mean that I’d be essentially a gold digger? Never mind Steve Harvey’s thoughts on gold digging, when he declared:

“I’m here to tell you, though, ladies that the term “gold digger” is one of the traps we men set to keep you off our money trail; we created that term for you so that we can have all our money and still get everything we want from you without you asking for or expecting this very basic, instinctual responsibility that men all over the world are obligated to assume and embrace. ... KNOW THIS:It is your right to expect that a man will pay for your dinner, your movie ticket, your club entry fee, or whatever else he has to pay for in exchange for your time.”

That aside, my friend was talking to me about his experience. He had to leave the providing to his wife. Newly married, this was a challenge to his wallet and to his ego, but he put that aside and moved on to do what he needed to do.

Thankfully, she could manage the burden. In essence, he was telling me to marry well — find a man who would not just finance my dreams and passions, but who would be able to take the burden of the responsibility mentally too.

Who is able to translate whatever little resources there are between you two. Marrying well needs to be about knowing that your partner can make the best out of a situation, instead of sinking with you and the ship. It also means you make sure that you’re also the right wife material.

We joke around when guys say they need a wife who can make chapos, but you’ve got to admit — one of the key assets a woman has is the ability to be a home maker.

It doesn’t matter whether she hires help to do the tasks, or whether she buys take out dishes and passes them off as her gourmet cooking, the point is that she nurtured the family. I’m definitely taking notes on this one. I’ll be making sure that I marry well, and that he marries well too. Happily ever after? Maybe.

Source: evewoman  

If you want to marry, make sure you marry the right person

3:54 AM Love and Relationship

Men with attractive wives report higher levels of marital satisfaction..... a New Study has Found.

Happy wife, happy life? Not anymore -- a new study suggests it’s an attractive wife that leads to a satisfying marriage. In the study, which was recently published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, psychologist Andrea Meltzer tracked over 450 newlywed couples during the course of four years and posed the question: does a good-looking spouse lead to a more satisfying union? What Meltzer and her team discovered was that spousal attractiveness does play a major role in marital satisfaction -- but only for men. In other words, men care about looks more than women do. The authors write, "The significant effect of wives’ attractiveness on husbands’ satisfaction was significantly stronger than the nonsignificant effect of husbands’ attractiveness on wives’ satisfaction, indicating that partner physical attractiveness played a larger role in predicting husbands’ marital satisfaction than it did in predicting wives’ marital satisfaction." Interestingly, the attractive wives also reported higher levels of satisfaction, all because having a happy hubby made them happier too.

A study conducted in 2008 at the Relationship Institute at UCLA reached a similar finding. Researchers theorized that men who felt they "lucked out" by marrying attractive wives were happier and more likely to care about their wives' needs -- and in turn, the good-looking wives were happier in the relationship as well. “The husbands seemed to be basically more committed, more invested in pleasing their wives when they felt that they were getting a pretty good deal,” study author Benjamin Karney explained. Karney said the opposite occurred when the husbands felt they were better looking than their wives, explaining, "They didn’t seem to be quite as motivated to help out their wives when they were more attractive than their wives."

What do you think, do you agree with the "hot wife, better life" theory? --> Source:huffingtonpost.com

Men with attractive wives report higher levels of marital satisfaction..... a New Study has Found.

4:06 AM Love and Relationship

How to ensure you leave campus with a ‘wife material’ girl

Love is a beautiful thing. The feeling that accompanies love is always beyond verbal explanation. However, love isn’t a beautiful thing if it isn’t happily ever after or at least happily ever for at least 10 years. Campus usually provides the finest platform to date and find a soul mate. A majority of married couples met in campus/college. So you can bet that there is a high chance of marrying your school mate. You can experiment and find out what formulas work and what formulas don’t work. In the end, the trail of heartbreaks you leave behind seems like an extended train crash with copious victims and collateral damage. Through all this time, don’t forget to look at the future. Like I always say, it’s hard to find a ‘wifey’ material after campus. I haven’t been there yet but I hope to be an example to my bachelor friends on how to get things done. I have just found the perfect way to make sure I leave campus with a ‘wife material’ girl. To all others like me, this is the real deal of advice, trust me.

 Be a bad boy 

You will never attract good women by being a good boy. Like poles don’t attract. Physics teaches us so. Good women don’t live crazy lifestyles; hence their lives aren’t so full of fun. They seek to compensate that by having a man who offers thrill. They need a challenge. They don’t want men who will sit with them at home all day. They want men who will come home late, so that they can at least ask, “Where were you!!?” Good decent women want fun. They want men who will break up badly and go the length to make up. A good woman wants a man she can change or thinks he can change, though that never happens. Bad girls on the other hand are used to drama. They want a good guy who will tolerate all their wild endeavors. So fellow men, be a good guy at your own risk. Be a bad boy and attract all the good women.

Date many women, and don’t hide it

Before you judge, let me explain. Okay? A ‘wife material’ girl should be one who truly loves you – A girl who will do anything for you.  Ladies are always attracted to guys who have female admiration. The boy who is always walking around with a different kind of girl every time still remains the one every girl wants to hang out with. You have to create healthy competition. The one who is jealous the most, will fight for you and will take care of you well as a husband because she sees value in you.
Dating many women also gives a chance to sample and sieve. You are free to drop those who don’t meet the mark and remain with good ones. Then slowly you eliminate until you remain with your queen. It’s a scenario similar to the famous reality TV series ‘The Bachelor”

Hang out in the right places

Clubs won’t give you a ‘wifey’. Go to church. Campuses have churches and Christian Unions. Choir girls are usually very good ladies. If you can rap a line by 2 Chainz and she can sing ‘Mateke’ by Size 8, you will make a good pair.
You can also go to the Library on a Friday night. A lady who is in the Library on a Friday night is definitely not a bad girl. A bad girl will never go the library on a Friday night even if she has 50 exams the following week.  Sacrifice a Friday night to ‘study’- to study girls in the Library. Take your time to find your type among the ladies who are busy partying with books and pens then approach.
Having said that, I hope you find yourselves ‘wife material girls’. Adios!

By Phillip Etemesi
Courtesy of capitalfm  -->

How to ensure you leave campus with a ‘wife material’ girl

1:57 PM Campus News, Love and Relationship

Theories behind illicit lovers getting stuck

Can couples really get stuck during sexual intimacy?  Medical doctors, whom some people dismiss as clueless regarding the matters of ‘sexual lock down’, describe the situation as a temporary medical condition that is treatable.

However in Ukambani, such ‘lock downs’ are normal. And they are not medical, according to traditional experts.

 As a matter of fact, randy men who have affinity for preying on other men’s wives are advised to tread carefully, lest one bumps into a wife who has a ‘lock’. In Ukambani lovers have been busted stuck together while on the throes of intimate passion and unsuccessfully struggling to disentangle.
Lately though such have been witnessed elsewhere in the country where the unfortunate couples are hauled into police trucks, wrapped in blankets and dumped in hospitals to await their fate under bewildered doctors. In Kamba land, there exists mbingo (meaning lock) where a suspicious husband can ‘lock’ his wife such that she will never enjoy sexual bliss outside her marriage. Such mbingo is sometimes extended to homesteads where the family head, with the help of a witch-doctor, installs it to cushion his home from thieves and intruders.

But it is mbingo ya mundu muka (putting a lock on a woman) that continues to cause bewilderment among many people. Kamba traditionalists swear that this ‘lock’ helps to curb infidelity in couples and will catch the ‘thief’ pants down.

I sought to explore how this mbingo is installed, how it works and its effectiveness.
The results were dumbfounding and hilarious. Mzee Mbuvi Musyimi, 83, from Mukuthu village in Mwingi Central District says there are three types of mbingo that will prevent an amorous wife from straying. According to Musyimi, only men can ‘lock’ their wives and not the other way round.
“This is because the male species is wired for polygamy. Even the witch-doctors who fix this mbingo are men, so they will never lock their fellow men,” Musyimi says.

He says the first scenario is where a man buys a string and takes it to a witch-doctor where it is treated with muthea (magic portion). It is then handed over to the client as the witch-doctor mumbles incantations. The husband is advised to place the muthea laced cord at a strategic place in his homestead, such as on the way to the toilet, kitchen or bedroom where his wife will unknowingly jump over it.

 “Use all your tricks to have her jump over the specially prepared string. Once she does, it is a deal. Take it and hide it at a place known only by you,” says Musyimi, adding that with such a simple operation the wife is permanently ‘under lock and key’. Musyimi notes that this is the worst form of mbingo since a thieving man will get stuck on the woman, his male organ swell and then die within hours.

 Instead of killing the ‘thief’, Musyimi says many people prefer a second type of mbingo where you catch him in action and demand hefty compensation for ‘trespass’.

  This is where a witchdoctor advises you to buy a knife that has a pouch. The witch-doctor will detach the knife from its pouch, treat it with muthea then give it back to the man.

“You are required to while away time from home for seven days, during which time the muthea becomes effective,” he says.

Hate him 
 
A third type of mbingo involves inflicting temporary impotence on a stray man. Here a suspicious husband gets a powerful dose of muthea from a witch-doctor. One is then advised to discreetly apply this muthea on the private parts of the wife or a girlfriend.

“If another man comes knocking, his male organ will just become flaccid, lifeless and shrink. The woman will hate him for life,” says Musyimi, before breaking into a prolonged naughty laughter as I join in.

By Philip Muasya
Courtesy of standardmedia  -->

Theories behind illicit lovers getting stuck

1:50 PM Crazy News, Love and Relationship

4 ways to tell if she is ‘wifey material’

Of late, there has been a lot of outcry from us men about the dwindling moral levels of the modern lady. ‘Madem wa siku hizi wameharibika,’ has become a trending statement, The truth is, ladies can’t get ratchet without the ever present male audience. Ratchet chics believe that men are fond of their ‘mask’ lifestyles. There is some truth to this but only to a minor extent. As a man, I might be more inclined to desire thighs that look lovely but only appear in glimpses from a decent skirt rather than the ones I see exposed all the time.  Be careful with sexual appearances. A lady who seems volcanically passionate is often hiding insecurity, multiple misdemeanors and self-involvement.
When making a choice between bad girls and good girls, there are two things that men consider. If it’s fun for just a night, we align our conquests towards bad girls but when we are looking for a life partner, we go for the good girls. Bad girls never make you wait for too long before dropping the goodies. The fun begins as soon as the chemistry is sparked. With them, you have a free pass to all manners of fetishes without necessarily negotiating. It’s the endgame that counts. Sometimes it’s hard to tell who is ratchet and who’s perfect. Here’s how you do it.

Sex
If your chic has mastered more than five sex positions, she’s ratchet. Too much variety calls for too much work that you might not be able to fully handle. There’s a possibility you will end up with an assistant you don’t know of: an assistant who hits it harder than you do.  If she uses e-pills every month or funny shaped birth control pills from China, don’t wife her, she doesn’t care about kids. Wifey material girls’ ought to have a good attitude towards kids. A good attitude towards kids begins with safe sexual practices.
The length of courtship (number of days before sex takes place) can also tell you if a girl is ‘wifable’ or not. A good girl, will toy with a man’s insatiable desire for sex. She creates patterns of hope and despair so as to make faint hearted men quit. A bad girl is different; she doesn’t care whether or not you using her. She’s the type of girl that will lie to you that you are the father of her kids whereas in truth, the watchman or driver is the real father. Ratchet divas feel glad when sex ensues. They love it; Facebook sex, romps with strangers, drunken sex and orgies. Some don’t end up remembering who they slept with.

Money
If your object of affection never asks for money, don’t wife her. ‘Wifey material girls’ ask for money. They gauge how responsible you are- your ability to provide. No good lady wants to be with a stingy or broke man who won’t buy Weetabix for the kids. The amount and purpose is what differentiates good from ratchet. Bad girls ask money for things they can afford themselves.
Whenever you are having financial problems, a wifey type of girl will offer to help you out if she has the money. She will even insist on loaning you the money so that you don’t suffer. A ratchet chic worships money. She can never offer a lending hand even if she’s able to. Whenever you are undergoing a financial crisis, she’ll keep her distance. Such is the kind of lady that will leave you once you get fired from your job.  She’s the same the kind that will begin harassing you when she starts earning more money than you.

Meals
‘Wifey material’ chics prepare delicacies and amicable cuisines- the kind of meals we always looked forward to from our mothers when we were kids. The ones who aren’t very good cooks, always do their best to learn. Such chics will prefer that you buy chicken, then go cook at your place rather than get into a pizza joint. Yes, I said chicken, blame it on my roots.
Ratchet chics are as frustrating as it gets when it comes to meals. You buy her chicken then she ends up taking only three bites.  They prefer going to restaurants rather than cooking. When they cook, their meals taste like vegetables from Alcatraz. Sometimes they forget they’re cooking, resulting in a meal of ‘sukuma choma’. Even worse, they refuse to eat and demand that you go get yoghurt from the shops. She says, “I don do burnt mboga…dude, who does that? It wud be cwaizy!”

Welfare
By welfare I mean, yours and hers. ‘Wifey material girls’ are mindful about the appearance, status and progress of their boyfriends. These girls will insist on seeing your result slip like a parent. They offer their advice on various issues regarding your life. They drive you away from things that are bad for you. They never mind doing household chores for you. They themselves conduct their persona in a decent manner. They dress decently for the public eye and seductively for your eyes.
Ratchet chics don’t care about your welfare, they only holla at you when you are the man of the moment. When your ratings decline, they disappear and go on seek the next big thing. Their minds are preoccupied with their own concerns. They do anything to get money and opportunities. These behaviors leave them sidelined to single-life or to the troubled arena of side dishes.

 Written by Philip Etemesi (KU) 
Courtesy of capitalfm -->

4 ways to tell if she is ‘wifey material’

1:25 PM Campus News, Love and Relationship

Are you in a relationship? Eight signs you just aren't compatible with your partner

Sometimes it can be hard to see the signs you are not compatible with your boyfriend, even if they are glaring you in the face! I know that with my ex! There are probably plenty of signs you are not compatible with your boyfriend, but you might not know what to look for. So girls, are you ready to explore the top 8 signs you are not compatible with your boyfriend that you should watch out for!

1. No spark

First and foremost, the top sign you are not compatible with your boyfriend is that there is just no spark at all. While you might like him, you don't feel the butterflies, don't get the nervous energy when he calls and don't get a tingly feeling in your stomach when you think about him. A spark is really important when you are in a relationship ladies.

2. Nothing to talk about

On top of having no spark, do you find that you have absolutely nothing to talk about? This is another sign you are not compatible together. After all, if you have nothing in common and no real spark to speak of, how would you have something to talk about? Something deep seeded and meaningful, something other than the weather.

3. You have common interests, but are on opposite sides

So let's say that you do have common interests, but you are on the opposing side of the interests. Let's say that you are both political, but you are on opposing sides, or let's say that you are both into the environment but are on the opposing sides of what is right for the environment. This is absolutely a sign you are not compatible with your boyfriend!

4. Personalities don't match up

Another sign you are not compatible with your boyfriend is if your personalities do not match up at all. Do you react to situations in a more mature fashion while your boyfriend is super immature about most things? Keep that in mind ladies!

5. Not the same beliefs

Dating someone that is not of the same beliefs as you can be difficult, but it can also be a sign you are not compatible with your boyfriend. Having the same beliefs is very, very important in a relationship and it does make things a lot easier, especially since you know how you want to raise your children if you have any.

6. Not the same morals

This next tip goes hand-in-hand with #5. Having the same morals about things is pretty important if you are going to be in a relationship. Otherwise, you are constantly going to be arguing over what is moral and what isn't!

7. Your partner has traits you can't live with

Another sign you are not compatible all boils down to the fact that you partner has traits that you just can't live with. Does he snore really loud? Is he super messy and won't ever clean up? Does he constantly mill around the house with no direction? If you're finding you are more annoyed with your partner than you are happy, it could be a sign ladies!

8. Immaturity

Finally ladies, the last sign you are not compatible with your boyfriend is the fact that he could be too immature for you! If you are finding that you are constantly fighting with him because he is too immature all the time, it could be one of the signs – after all, who wants to spend their entire relationship fighting?

As you can see, there are quite a few signs you are not compatible with your boyfriend, but not all of them are obvious even if they are right in front of you! So girls, what other signs you are not compatible with your boyfriend that you've noticed before? Share 'em below!

standardmedia

  
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Are you in a relationship? Eight signs you just aren't compatible with your partner

12:01 PM Love and Relationship

Why Kenyan Ladies End Up Single For Life

1. Many Kenyan ladies will end up singles for life because of media exposure- it is so disheartening how a lady will glue her eyes on a mobile phone from morning to night, only to raise it up to focus on television to watch another celebrity entertainment channel. Tell me, what else will dominate this lady’s mindset aside how to live a fake celebrity life being promoted on television channels?
 

2. Many Kenyan ladies now dislike cooking and home chores just because they had been totally brainwashed by movies showcasing men playing the role of women in a family, and due to excessive exposure to modern media that promotes gender-equality in a destructive way that’s aimed at destroying the unique African family setting that made our previous African marriages everlasting and envious to the westerns. Now, with this attitude, how do you expect a Kenyan man to desire to marry when he knows he is only buying more headache and trouble than helper for himself?

3. Modern fashion and craze for gadgets is a great barrier to most ladies finding love and marriage. How do we explain a single lady whose only desire in life is to acquire the latest clothe in town, the latest mobile phone and pad to the detriment of her woman worth? How can a single lady maintain this lifestyle for long without bowing low to immoral lifestyle? How do you expect a man from a responsible family background, and who is in his right senses to propose marriage to a lady whose utmost desire and concern in life is to acquire costly electronic gadgets, clothes, jewelry, perfume, etc? Of course, majority of men would like to date such a trendy lady for fun and show-off, but wouldn’t want to propose marriage to such a lady even if she is earning the money herself because her expensive lifestyle already is a big turn off to most responsible serious-minded single men. Only men that are out to catch fun will be closely attracted to her, and her chances of getting a marriage proposal from them is as slim as a camel passing through the eye of a needle.

4. Excessive makeup turns most decent and serious-minded men off- if you have observed, you will discover that most men dislike excessive makeup, and more don’t even like it at all; reason they often times discourage their true loved ones to do away with it cos it speaks ill of a lady even though so many men will applaud and complement you for looking like an Egyptian mummy. A slight makeup is okay; but if you are out for marriage, try always to look simple and natural, it will attract better men, decent and serious-minded, except you are still living in your high school life and not thinking towards marriage.

5. Cut Down Your Participation in social network sites- if possible, close your facebook and twitter accounts because they may be doing you more harm than good, but you wouldn’t know until you hit 35yrs plus and still single and searching. If you cannot maintain a sizeable number of vital friends and family members as friends on your facebook, twitter, etc accounts, then you need to close the account and focus with your offline life. No man would want to marry a lady who jumps from one social network site to another because it is a clear sign of an unfaithful lady or about to be unfaithful lady, yes, that’s how men view it. Who are you to have a thousand friends on facebook, same on twitter, maybe on wassap, 2go, twoo, BBM, badoo, eskimi, etc?

6. Stop Giving Your Number Out To Every Dick & Harry! No man would want to propose marriage to a lady whose phone is always talking and laughing with unserious calls. You may not be a playgirl, but he would judge you as one, and will likely flee at the slightest chance or disagreement.

7. You Don’t Bring Any Value Into The Life Of Men You Date or Are Dating- because your best friend married without contributing anything to the man that finally married her, doesn’t mean it will work for you that way. Think, work towards equipping yourself so that you can be a value and also add value to his life to convince him that you are worth committing to. Adding value to his life isn’t by giving him money, or material gifts, nope….good counsels, being his best friend, helping him attain his goals in life, lending him moral, mental and spiritual support, and by not just being a liability that only bring requests and problems to be solved.

8. Your Friends Run Your Life- how do you expect to find a husband when you still allow your clique of friends to be dictating which man you meet is worthy of your love and which is not? When will you wake up and face the fact that those your best friends even though they cherish you, wouldn’t want you to marry before them or to marry the best man?

9. You Move Around In Group- often times, you miss the advance of a good decent man when you move in group, be wise. Again, men don’t always fancy ladies that move around in group because most ladies can only be reasonable when you separate them from their group of friends.

10. You Give Everything Out During Dating- As a single lady who has not been taken to the altar, you need to reserve some things for your husband to be, especially your body, respect it and preserve it at all cost. In the past, men rushed to marry to get certain things or privileges they had been constantly denied while being single. Such privileges include and not limited to: constant sex and companionship, good food and tidied home, etc. But today, a single man gets even the best and of course more of constant sex, good food and excellent home-keeping more than his married counterparts, so tell me how the hell you want him to desire to marry you when you have given him virtually everything he desires from a wife while being his girlfriend? And the most painful part of it all is that he knows that you are prepared to cut down on sex supply, cooking, home-keeping, etc once he marries you, so why would he not want you to remain his girlfriend for life?
For instance, everywhere you go today, you hear majority of single ladies crying that they won’t be a cook for their husbands, that their husband must know how to cook and must be participating equally in cooking and home-keeping, that they cannot marry a man who cannot cook or keep the home clean and all of that, but these single ladies are doing these things happily for their boyfriends and perceived fiancés without complain, but they keep complaining that they won’t do it when they finally marry, and the single men are hearing all these.
Now, a particular single man has three to four girlfriends who comes and cook, clean the house for him happily, and they also supply him with constant sex even when he doesn’t ask, and he is aware that once he marries any of them, she would stop or reduce the rate at which she cooks for him and would want him to be participating in the cooking, say; 60-40% of the time, and he knows too that if he marries any of them, she would start to deny him sex whenever she deems fit in the name of ‘I’m not in the mood’ or ‘I’m exhausted at work or business’ etc, but she was never tired to do any of the aforementioned things while dating the man, so tell me sincerely, how do we expect single men of today to still desire to marry like their fathers and forefathers desired to marry, with all these shabby scenarios surrounding our today ladies?

11. You Package Yourself Wrongly- in your attempt to look sexy, adorable and maybe appealing to guys, you have derailed from appealing to appalling. In fact you look more whorish than modest; more distractive than attractive, and more disgusting than adorable. Your dressing style determines who gets attracted to you most times. If you dress high school, only high school-thinking guys will be attracted to you, and if you dress excessively sexy and provocative, only randy men will come to you for urgent satisfaction of their immediate sex urge, so don’t be fooled by media hyping of certain kinds of dressing, they are meant for certain set of ladies you wouldn’t like to be associated with, be careful. Remember, not all clothes that look sexy are good for a seriously searching for a soul mate single lady.

12. You Lack Manner, Character, Wisdom and Good Home Upbringing- definitely, your ‘hot girl’, ‘pretty girl’, ‘sexy girl’ looks will win you so many men; both the good, and the bad, but your inner beauty, your character and manner are the things that will determine whether any of those men would stay or run after accomplishing their evil missions. In order words, do away with nagging, being possessive, challenging with men in negative ways, the mentality of ‘what a man can do a woman can do better’, a lie devil has used to deceive and destroy so many ladies today, please do away with it.

13. You Are A Liability- in as much as we know that the present economy of Kenya and the world in general is harsh, men and society in general careless about how you react to this situation, how do I mean? Read on.
You are from a poor family background, and you have no job or you are earning below $1000 a month but you want to wear designer clothes, shoes, jewelry, perfume and also carry Prada and Gucci hand bags. You want to use the most expensive gadgets- mobile phones, pads, etc. you are from a poor family background, or average family, etc is not a justifiable reason for you to be depending on men for virtually everything you need in life. Show yourself some respect. And don’t think you can split your exorbitant expenses amongst different men, by dating different men so that you won’t be demanding from that one you truly love amongst them, so that he will be convinced that you are a good girl who doesn’t demand, fallacy! A man knows when his woman is sleeping around with other men to meet her needs, most men only decide to keep mute for reasons, don’t get it twisted, but hardly will they marry you- that’s why you see a lot of pretty ladies complain; “after giving him my love, my body, my heart, and did everything for him, etc, he paid me back with heartbreak, God will punish him, blah, blah, blah” says who? Of course you don’t expect a man in his rightful senses to marry an unrepentant whore, do you? Would you welcome your own brother bringing home a playgirl as his would-be wife, be honest please?
There are zillions of decent and honorable things you can do as a single lady to at least meet your own financial needs without sleeping around with men or depending on one man to supply all your needs. Finally, cut your skirt according to your length. You are from a poor family, your parents earn below $3000 a month, but you want to look like Rihanna, wear the same clothe she wears, you want to live a similar life Beyonce, Genevieve and Tiwa Savage lives, and you want to dine in the costliest hotels and restaurants, and you are jobless or earning below $2000 a month. Now tell me sincerely, how is it possible to achieve this foolish goal without patronizing immoral lifestyle to meet the insatiable demands?

14. Your Role Models Are Totally Strange And Bad! If you want to be a great woman tomorrow, start now to emulate great women- study their foot parts, their lifestyle, their ways and try to inculcate their lifestyle into yours. Stop looking up to music stars and fake celebrity ladies, etc as your only role model in life. What happened to looking up to women like- Ngozi Okonjoiweala, Oby Ezekwesili, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Sen. Dabiri, Sang Suu Kyi, Hilary Clinton, Michele Obama, etc? Stop glueing your eyes on fashion TV, Fashion One, Big Brother TV Show, E! etc, and start now to build interest in economy issues, current affairs, economy and business news, watch more of CNN, National Geographic channel, Channels TV, ESPN, Discovery World, Animal Planet, Aljazeera TV, Super Sports, etc, these are what men love to see women do cos only a handful of women show interest in these, and those few women are those ones that end up being great women in future. Movie Magic, Africa Magic will only inculcate bad habit, poor manner and laziness in you, please wake up before you end up single for life, which I pray not.

jichanue

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Why Kenyan Ladies End Up Single For Life

12:07 AM Campus News, Love and Relationship

Never Go To The Opposite Sex For Relationship Advice.

When you need relationship advice going to the opposite sex is not the best option!

Have you ever had a relationship where your partner has gone behind your back and talked about you and your relationship with them to one of their friends, who just happened to be of the opposite sex? I have had this happen on numerous occasions. And I still can not fathom why this happens and why mates think this is the best way to get advice about your relationship.

When men start talking to their female friends about their relationship this will inevitably bring more problems to the relationship than the existing issue he had. People always have motives regardless if they have a stake in the relationship or not. My recent ex went to a woman who I don’t even know and have never met, but I know of her through mutual friends. He went to this person asking for advice. And what he got probably wasn’t what he was expecting. This girl was friends with another woman who had feelings for my boyfriend.

So with that said it should have been common sense that she probably wasn’t the best person to go to for advice. Especially since her motive was to get us broken up and for her friend to move right on in. Unfortunately for him he apparently didn’t have the common sense to know that this was his friends motive.

Relationships deserve respect and if you aren’t going to give it the respect it deserves then you should stay single until you are prepared for an adult relationship. Bringing in another woman into your relationship will not be ok with 90% of the women out there because they will feel threatened by that woman. A relationship consists of two people not three.

So if you need advice about your relationship where should you turn? You should go directly to the source! Your partner. Communication is the biggest issue in relationships and if you can not communicate with your partner on heavy issues or even light issues then your relationship will never make it. If you really want your relationship to work then I suggest going to counseling to deal with your communication problems. You may not be able to save the relationship you are currently in, but it might help your next one.

Adapted from yourtango

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Never Go To The Opposite Sex For Relationship Advice.

4:56 AM Love and Relationship

Flirting On Facebook: How Social Media Changed Our Dating Lives

Don't let social media negatively impact your relationship.

By now, almost everyone has Facebook, Twitter, Keek, Instagram, Vine, etc. So, with all these social media outlets, how does it fair in love? I personally feel like social media has taken over our lives. When you are friends with the guy or girl you are seeing, you scour their Facebook activity to see who is commenting the most on their statuses and if they are of the opposite sex. It's something many do but beware because this may cause an issue with your new mate.

I have stayed away from being friends with my partner on Facebook. I know most would say by my doing this I will automatically cause a trust issue for my mate, but I don’t feel that it should cause a trust issue. I am trying to prevent the jealousy issue people have when they see men comment or like my status and I have no problem showing my partner my Facebook page when we are together.

I've seen so many relationships end because of a comment someone made on a Facebook status. No one can control what other people put on their Facebook or Twitter so there is no reason to get upset about every little comment! Now, if your mate responds in a flirty fashion, then you can tell your partner you're not ok with what they put as a response.

I think social media has made things harder for people to date and married couples are now making a Facebook page with both of their names, which to me is a waste of time. Why create a new page? That is just time consuming and everyone on your Facebook should know you are married already. And if they don't, then those people aren’t privy to your life and shouldn’t have access to it anyway.

I’ve known couples where one has a Facebook and the other does not. I think this is the best way to go. Men will always be flirty with women regardless if they know they are with someone or not. I am not sure why this is, but for me, I have always just said thank you or whatever generic response is needed for that situation. I know that not all people will do what I do with regards to Facebook but the important part is that both parties agree to how social media sites are used. Which brings me to subliminal messages on social media. 

There are also people who fall victim to social media. I have been the victim of social media and I know a lot of other people who have been victims from it as well.  Everyone knows about the Facebook subliminal messaging; people use these after a break up or if they are angry at someone. When this occurs, your entire friends list and anyone who has ever liked the status will now know you have issues in your relationship. I plead to stop doing this! It’s unnecessary and annoying. I don’t want to know that your boyfriend didn’t take out the trash and that you are pissed, and I don’t think anyone else cares that he or she forgot Sweetest Day (which I did this year, sue me it’s not on my calendar)!

Social media will always be here. There is no turning back, but please use it carefully, and remember not to use it when you have been drinking. Even if you delete a status the day after, you have put it up for the world to see and everyone has already seen it by the time you delete it. So please put the phone down while you are drinking or angry. I have told everyone I know that when you are mad, write down what you want to say then wait an hour and go back and look at it. After you go back and look at it you will see that while angry, you are most likely saying the same thing over and over again but in a different ways.  

Since social media will be here for years to come and we have learned new things about people we never wanted to know, remember this — it is hard to remove a comment or status even after it has been removed. Everyone’s cell phone and computer signals update at different times and you may not see that status any longer because you are the one who deleted it, but trust me my friend, many others have seen this update, even when you no longer can.

I hope this has been helpful and happy Facebooking! 

Adapted from yourtango

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Flirting On Facebook: How Social Media Changed Our Dating Lives

4:48 AM Love and Relationship, Social media

9 signs your boyfriend is just using you

It happens to the best of us, we’re hanging out with a guy, having a good time, but underneath it all something just doesn't feel quite right. We notice we've been wined more than dined and the lack of commitment makes sex feel like we’re just a booty call. Well, ladies, the reason could be because a guy is using you. We’re not saying it’s definite, but here are a few signs that could be the case. -

He only comes to see you at night

It’s not uncommon or unheard of for a man to want to spend some time with you after a night out with the boys. However, if it’s become a pattern that he only spends time with you at night, after he’s liquored up, there is definitely something more going on. A man who is only interested in spending time with you at night, and after drinking, definitely isn't in it for you

He isn't true to his words

This man knows how to speak to your heart, and you love the things that he says to you, but as we all know, actions speak louder than words. No matter how his words make you feel, if he isn't proving them to you and living up to them, his words hardly mean a thing at all.

He’s prone to cancelling plans

When you two get to spend time together, things go pretty well, so you’re always excited to hang out. But, when you make plans to spend time with him, he’s often the one that has to cancel the plans, and most of the time his excuses aren't very good ones. Continuously cancelled plans are a good sign that a guy is using you.

You pay for everything

Nowadays going dutch isn't unheard of, and in some relationships, it’s pretty common to split things 50/50. When it comes to this man, you pay for everything, even small things such as a coffee date at the local cafe. This man is broke all of the time, with no real reason behind the lack of money. A guy who is using you is likely to avoid spending money on you.

He’s only around when he needs you

When it’s convenient for you, this man shows up or makes time to contact you. If he needs a ride to work, needs a lunch, or needs a few dollars to pay his cell phone bill, he’s contacting you as quickly as possible. However, when he isn't in need of anything you can provide, rarely do you hear from him and rarely is he around. When a guy is using you, he’ll usually only show up when it’s convenient.

Affection doesn't come easy

For some guys, showing a lot of affection and emotions can be awkward, but as time passes, this becomes less and less of an issue, as he adapts. However, this man rarely shows you affection. Getting a hug or a passionate kiss from him is a rare occurrence and when it does happen, it leaves you wanting something more from it. The only affection you get is when you two are doing the deed, and even then, something is missing.

He rarely does anything special for you

In a relationship, it’s all about give and take. On your man’s birthday, you shower him with gifts, and you’re the type of woman to buy him a present here and there, just because. On the other hand, this guy rarely gives you anything that shows he cares about you. If you’re with a guy who can’t treat you to something nice every once-in-a-while, this is a huge sign that he’s soaking up all he can.

He doesn't consider your feelings

No matter how much you tell this guy that certain things make you tick or make you sad, he doesn't seem to take it in and consider your thoughts and feelings. Instead, he does what he wants to do without ever stopping to think about how his actions may make you feel. One of the biggest signs that a guy is using you is the fact that he couldn't care less about your feelings.

He blames you for things

When something goes wrong, this man is somehow able to push the blame onto you. No matter what the problem is, some way or another, this guy is able to pinpoint you as the one who caused it to happen. When a guy does nothing but blame you for the bad things in his life, he’s truly only putting you through emotional blackmail. Leave this guy and let him suffer through his own issues.

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9 signs your boyfriend is just using you

4:31 AM Love and Relationship

Why Being Single Is Ok

#1 It's Just Not For You

Finally, you may just wake up one day and realize that no matter how much you've been told differently, relationships are not for everyone, and certainly not for you. Maybe our role as human beings is evolving. With the world's over population, is it really so bad if not everyone procreates? Maybe single life is simply a new form of commitment. Perhaps in this brave new world, one can commit to happiness, self-love, and independence, without the fear of judgement.

#2 What About Some "me" Time?

From bubble baths, to pigging out on pizza while watching Golden Girls in bed, we all have our sacred rituals we can only enjoy alone. Consider this, when you finally settle down with Mr./Mrs. Right, your alone time will slowly decrease, culminating in the eventual replacement by family time. Enjoy it while it lasts.

#3 Save Money First

Being in love is expensive. Not only are you obliged to do "stuff", but it's harder to do the things you normally do to save a few bucks. Do you really want to have your bf over for a ramen date? How many times can you woo him with your famous generic sauce pasta? Surely you wont just expect him to pick up the bill, at least you shouldn't. Use these formative years as an opportunity to save up for whatever you do later on in life.

#4 Love Hurts

Lets be honest, for every happy couple in love, there are two people elsewhere miserably heartbroken. But that's how love works, it's high risk, high reward. We're not saying it's not worth the reward, simply that you should be prepared for the risk as well. It's not all rainbows and kisses.

#5 Keep Your Routine

If you're accustomed to doing things a certain way, you'll probably want to continue that trend. From what side of the bed you sleep on, to the time you have dinner at, these are all things that are seemingly unimportant, but still relevant to how you live your life. Unless you're ready to make some big compromises, a relationship is not for you.

#6 Move Around As You Please

One of the less hyped benefits of single life is the ability to move around whenever you like. Whether you're looking to relocate apartments, or states, this is all 100% up to you. If your job takes you somewhere else, you can pick up and go without hesitation. This is something you'll appreciate later on in life.

#7 Playing The Field

Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps you're not ready to pick just one? This is a completely fair, and all to often never asked question. But if you're not ready to settle down, take this time to date around and figure out what it is you are looking for.

#8 Career First

Whether you're in college or just out of grad school, it's paramount that you keep focus on your goals and ambitions. If you're not where you want to be yet, or at the very least on that path, you're not your best you. Obviously, success is relative, but you'll know what's right for you.

#9 It's All About You

Sometimes the best thing for your future relationship is that present day you focuses on itself. Sure, you may be out of college, but are you actually in the "real world" yet? Are you happy with your life, or are you hoping a relationship will fix that for you? If so, you're not ready. Be fair to your next bf and only put yourself out there when you know you're ready.

#10 You Would Rather Hang With Friends

You love your group of friends and see them as much as possible. If you don't feel the need to change the way you interact socially with other people, a significant other might complicate things. Consider this, the time you spend with your friends will now be split among your new partner, and his/her friends. You might only see your buds a 1/3 of the time you did before. Are you ready for that?

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Why Being Single Is Ok

2:27 PM Love and Relationship, Photo media